May 17th, 2012


I know sometimes people wonder how erotica writers do what they do — how exactly they turn out all that achingly poetic and arousing language that touches the cores of our human souls.

Frankly, some days we wonder how we do it too.

I asked fellow erotica writer André Santhomas to give us a look into her writing process, to show us how the magic happens to create her popular Realm of Janos novels and other masterpieces of erotic domination and submission. Let us part the curtain and watch her day:


Fifty Shades of Grey Hair


Me: Go in the living room. I have work I need to do.

Them: OK.

Garrett ties Botany up and fucks her silly.

Kid 1: Mom, do you want something to drink?
Me: Nothing you can bring me.
Kid 1: What?
Me: Nothing. No thank you.

Garrett ties Botany up and fucks her silly. She

Kid 1: OK.

Garrett ties Botany up and fucks her silly. She thinks

Kid 2: Mommy, I love you.
Me: I love you too baby. Go play.
Kid 2: OK.

Garrett ties Botany up and fucks her silly. She wonders

Kid 1: Mommy, do you have a pencil?
Me: Look in the homework supplies box.
Kid 1: OK.

Garrett ties Botany up and fucks her silly. She wonders what

Kid 1: Where is the box?
Me: Where did you leave it?
Kid 1: I didn’t touch it.
Me: Here it is. Take this, and go!
Kid 1: OK, OK, I’m just trying to do my homework.

Garrett ties Botany up and fucks her silly. She wonders what. What? What does she wonder? Oh, yeah. She wonders

Kid 2: I want a pencil too.
Me: Fine, take it. Just go.
Kid 2: I need some paper.
Me: Fine, whatever, here’s a stack.

Garrett ties Botany up and fucks her silly. She wonders what he’s thinking

Kid 1: MOMMY! She — Ow!
Me: What?
Kid 2: Never mind.

Garrett ties Botany up and fucks her silly. She wonders what he’s thinking about

Kid 2: Mommy, if Nicole tells you that I was in Daddy’s office and got into something, you should tell her to go in the living room because I didn’t, really.
Me: You didn’t what?
Kid 2: I didn’t get into Daddy’s printer paper.
Me: I gave you paper.
Kid 2: I needed some more. But I didn’t, really. I swear with all my heart.
Me: Living room!

Garrett ties Botany up and fucks her silly. She wonders what he’s thinking about

Me: Let the dog out.
Kid 1: What?
Me: LET THE DOG OUT! Can’t you hear him barking? You’re two feet from him.
Kid 1: What?
Kid 1: OK, OK, sheesh.

Garrett ties Botany up and fucks her silly. She wonders how he’s going to use that riding crop

Kid 1: I just have to tell you —
Me: Is someone spurting blood? No? Then go.
Kid 1: Sheesh, all I wanted to do was say I love you.
Me: [insert mommy guilt here]

*  *  *

André SanThomas is the mother of two delightful girls, ages 8 and 6, and the keeper of a 120-pound lab. She’s also the author of the Realm of Janos series and Sensual Submission: Driven. Sensual Submission: Pursuit is due out… well, it might be a while. Her author page on Amazon, from where her books can be purchased, can be found here.

 *  *  *  *  *

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 17th, 2012 at 9:08 pm and is filed under • 50 Shades of Grey Hair. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

12 Responses to “50 Shades of Grey Hair”

K. A. Burton Says:

ROTFLMFAO. If you could see my weekend and me trying to find time to write, you would know how much of a funny bone you just hit. Geez. I think the time lords hate my ass. I need a f#####g tardis.

K D Grace Says:

This is a great post! Had me laughing myself silly at the breakfast table! Dying to know what happened with Garrett and Botany!

Vida Says:

God, yes 🙂 Love it.

Madeline Moore Says:

Thanks for this. More hearty har har hars for those of us trying to write erotica in the real world. So true . . . so funny and true.

Yep. I remember trying to cover my screen when my kids came to look over my shoulder and talk to me. And I remember the Mommy guilt. Now they’re both adults, but happily have no interest in reading my work.

The eldest, 23, suggested a book I might find useful “. . . if you ever want to try anal sex.”

(TMI + I’m a 50+ year old erotica author. Either I’ve tried it or I’m not going to.) “Thank you dear.”

One wonders how E.L. James, at home mom of two, had time to pound out that fanfic trilogy. Of course, prior to her ‘at home mother’ status she was a TV executive. Do I hear a nanny in the background? Is that the sound of the cleaning lady’s vacuum disturbing my connection with my muse, Ms Myers?

Maybe erotica authors *d0* owe her some gratitude. Her work has amused us for weeks now (once some of us, at least, got over our initial helpless envy/fury.)

I’m dedicated to becoming the next E.L. James and I have a plan, as I tweeted earlier today. Prepare to be awed by my brilliance:

OMG! My Big New Idea: Write fanfic of “50 Shades of Grey” only make the lead characters vampires!
Filing under MY list: #IMakeMeLaff (@MsMadelineMoore)

And the laughing just doesn’t stop . . .

Cecilia Duvalle Says:

My mouse hovers over the minimize button on my screen when my kids are around. I try to spend their time in school writing, but sometimes I just have to ‘get something down’ regardless of who is around. Summers are much harder to get anything done with them around. Can you say “Camp?”

Thanks for sharing this sample of your day–one that is all too familiar. It’s a good reminder there are lots of us in the same boat.

Sommer Marsden Says:

Utterly accurate, and guess what? It doesn’t get any easier! Especially when you homeschool a chatty 15year old! LOL 😉


Stuart Land - author of Epiphany Says:

Terrific post! I laughed, and I don’t have little nippers, but my cat did all the same antics without the need for paper and pencils.

Michelle V Says:

That is hilarious! I’m a single mom with two teenage boys and I thought it was difficult enough trying to read erotica with my life! LOL.

therockgate Says:

It was of interest to me that mention of a riding crop presented itself as the children began to try her patience.

Rhyll Biest Says:

A big LOL from me, and i don’t even have kids…

Siobhan Muir Says:

OMG! That is exactly my day! Great post and sooo accurate. lol. Thanks for sharing. 🙂

PM White Says:

This is an instant classic! For me it is my son, my girlfriend, dogs, cell phone and ex as well. Usually always when I sit down to write. Wonderful piece.

  • Facebook
  • Google+
  • Twitter