I’m over at K.D. Grace’s blog today, as part of her series on “The Story behind the Story,” talking about my short story “Flaws,” and what inspired me to write it.
Come join us!
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I am a professional writer, editor, and consultant, with more than 20 books published under another name. I divide my time among Asia, Africa, the Middle East, and the U.S. I enjoy stories that are realistic enough that they might have happened and fanciful enough that they might not have. I value communication, adventure, exploration, passion, and love. I appreciate your visiting my site. I welcome comments and questions. Note that comments are held for review before being posted, so you may not see your comment appear right away. You don't need to enter your name, web site, or an email address to post a comment (though you may if you wish). You can comment on any topic at any time--it doesn't matter if the post is from several months ago. Your comment will make it current again! |
I’m over at K.D. Grace’s blog today, as part of her series on “The Story behind the Story,” talking about my short story “Flaws,” and what inspired me to write it.
Come join us!
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I hope this doesn’t seem like a bait-and-switch! But I’m actually over at Lisabet Sarai’s place today, guest-blogging about the things that turn me on, like this lovely hotel, and why they do.
Incidentally, Lisabet is holding a giveaway between September 26 and October 10, with a grand prize of three autographed print books (remember print books?) from her backlist. Each comment you leave gets you an entry, but comments on guest posts get you two entries! (Hint: Guest posts are on Wednesdays.)
So head on over!
http://lisabetsarai.blogspot.com/2011/09/inconvenient-kink.html
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On the second day of the Erotic Authors Association conference in Las Vegas, I participated as demo model for Gray Dancer’s “Hands-on Kink” workshop. And although he was then jetting off to various exotic ports, I was able to get an interview out of him as well! So here is both my report on the class and a follow-up interview with him.
Now, bear in mind that he was giving this workshop to erotica authors — so the overall emphasis was on how to write convincing BDSM scenes and stories, not how to have a hot time in bed. (Of course, if anything reported here leads people to have a hot time in — or out of — bed, that is warmly encouraged!)
We negotiated a bit in advance by email — the types of acts he’d probably demonstrate, what I was up for, any physical limitations, what to wear.
His class covered an overview of BDSM, a particularly versatile acronym covering Bondage, Discipline — both physical and mental — and Sadism & Masochism; but then some people think of the D and S part as Domination & Submission. The kinky acts. Google for more if necessary. 😉 He discussed the variety of roles (which I’m not going to attempt to cover here), common practices, safety concerns, resources… and then it was time for the good stuff! The demonstration part! I came up to the front, stripped off my dress, and stood there, stark naked, as he bent me over the table.
Ha. You wish! Please, people. This was a professional conference of writers. We behaved with dignity the whole time. (That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it!) I did peel off my dress, but to reveal the leotard beneath it.
The first part of the demonstration focused on impact play — that is, whacking. Spanking. Hitting. Impacting someone’s body with something else. He demo’ed bare-handed spanking, paddling, flogging, and a bit of showy whipping with a … whippy sort of thing that was not a bullwhip. I’m sorry, you’d have to ask him what it was. My back was turned!
Now, most people do indulge in this sort of thing naked, yes. But it “works” clothed as well — in fact, clothing sort of disperses the vibrations and sensations from the impact over a larger area. He went over things like speed, intensity, keeping a steady rhythm, not keeping a steady rhythm, and staying connected with your partner and checking in.
The latter part of the demonstration focused on bondage — tying, both the practical and aesthetic types.
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But enough of all that! Let’s get to the interview! If you read carefully, there may be another picture or two at the bottom.
Shar: You do a lot of teaching and demonstrations. What are some things you enjoy about that?
Gray Dancer: I’ve been a performer literally as long as I can remember, so there is certainly a level of enjoyment from being in front of an audience in both my teaching and demos. However, much like the rope scenes themselves, it’s more about a connection to the audience — entertaining, titillating, revelatory, whatever. It’s also a goal to open up a doorway into what’s possible in the same way my teachers and partners have opened doors for me.
Shar: Suppose someone sees one of your demonstrations, and is intrigued. What are some next steps?
Gray Dancer: One of the best beginner’s resources on the web is twistedmonk.com, which has about a dozen well-produced free videos on the subject of rope bondage (as well as selling some of the best rope out there).
Next I’d recommend going on Fetlife.com and joining a local group — there are “munches” (informal gatherings of kinksters) all over the world, as well as special interest groups such as the Pittsburgh Rope Bite or Elevate in Wisconsin or… well, you get the idea. These are places where people get together just to enjoy and talk and explore their kink in a practice mode.
You can also just dive in and attend Shibaricon in May in Chicago, but that’s like going into the deep end. I know a lot of people who do it, though, and come out much the happier for it.
Shar: Do you think someone who does not personally partake can still describe bondage and impact play accurately and emotionally? What would help a writer “get there” better, other than personal experience?
Gray Dancer: I don’t think you have to partake, any more than you have to kill someone to write about murder. However, it certainly can lend some different insights and often new directions to your scenes. I went through a fire-cupping experience (an Asian medical practice) even though it is not my kink so that I could more accurately describe in in my book Nawashi. I discovered that while most of it was the same as I expected, there were more sounds involved that lent a greater depth to my scene (at least, I hope so).
However, it would be presumptuous to think that because you try rope you “know what it’s like.” You only know what it’s like for YOU; someone else may have a totally different reaction, and that’s where I think a writer has an opportunity to use a rope scene in a book not only to make it hot, but also to reveal something about the characters involved (top and bottom) or let them use it to discover something new about themselves or each other.
Shar: When you read erotica that involves BDSM, what kinds of elements do you appreciate? That is, are you looking for accurate scene descriptions, or more oblique references, or something else?
Gray Dancer: Much more oblique — I don’t really care what the mechanics are, I want to know what the characters are feeling. Don’t tell me how long the whip is; tell me how the top feels when her hand curls around the handle and she looks at the man on the bed. I don’t care where her arms were bound, I care what she felt when she realized she could no longer cover herself from his gaze. Most of all, show me through the characters how the BDSM is forming a connection between them, or not (because that’s a conflict too and therefore interesting). Honestly, the best thing about erotic romance is that you can get the connection without all that annoying communication stuff that is necessary in real life.
Shar: You’re also an erotica writer yourself. How much of what you personally enjoy or know about shows up in your writing?
Gray Dancer: A lot. In fact, there is some fear that at some point I’ll stop having experiences worth writing about, and actually have to rely on something scary like imagination or (shudder) research. All of my short fiction is based on actual experiences, and my first novel was almost completely populated with romanticized versions of actual events.
My second book and third book were more about imaginary scenes… but the strange thing is that since I’ve written them, many of the experiences have happened to me in one form or other. I also take great joy in including real people such as Michelle Belanger as characters in my books — or thinly veiled characters based rather obviously on real people.
However, I don’t feel that I need to be turned on by something to make it sexy. It’s enough pleasure to take something and craft it into a piece that someone else finds hot. In fact, I’d say it’s the same instinct that makes me enjoy topping that makes me enjoy writing erotica: the ability to capture someone’s attention and then turn them on.
Shar: For me, the most interesting part of our demonstration was your response to someone’s question about how quickly you could restrain someone. Although I had volunteered for the entire demonstration, and would certainly have done anything you asked to the best of my ability, you called up an audience volunteer for just that portion. I have my explanation for why you did that, but I’m interested in hearing it from your perspective. [The demonstration involved having a woman stand with her arms outstretched, and then Gray placed a hank of rope in each of her hands, and then he pressed various parts of her body to the point of causing discomfort or mild pain. The woman was “bound” instantly.]
Gray Dancer: There’s a few different reasons behind that. The easiest one is that I had been asked by the conference organizers to include people from the audience in the demo, and I knew from prior conversations that VineyardRoad (the volunteer) would enjoy helping out.
That’s a bit of a cop out, though, because the real reason lies in the dynamic between you and me vs. her and me (incidentally, I missed your grammar lecture because I had to read, and you refused to share your notes, so that sentence structure is entirely your fault).
[Shar’s note: It is true, I don’t send out copies of conference presentations; but note that his use of “between you and me” and “between her and me” is entirely correct! The man is a natural.]
You were a delightful bottom, communicative and cooperative and sexy. You told me what you liked, you encouraged me to do more, and you were, as you say, willing to do just about anything I asked. As your top, it was an equal partnership between us, with the goal of first, presenting a good show, and second, having some fun while we were at it.
VineyardRoad is a submissive. When I called her up, I was not topping, I was dominating. There is no value judgment there; it is like saying she has blonde hair and you have red hair — one is not better than the other, and while some may have a preference, others (myself included) enjoy both.
More to the point, in a top/bottom relationship, if I tell you to hold the ropes out at arms length as I did to VineyardRoad, you do so as long as you feel like it, then you might decide that you are tired of that game and want to do something more interesting. And why shouldn’t you? You are under no obligation to do what I say unless you feel like it.
A submissive, though, does what a dominant asks because doing so is essential to their self-identity. If I had asked her to stand there with her arms out for the entire class, she would have. She would have probably burst into tears if her arms had given out, whereas if she’d kept them up until I released her with a “good job,” it would have made her glow with pride for the rest of the weekend.
Because of how busy the conference was, Gray and I didn’t have much time to talk after the demonstration. In fact, this interview (conducted by email) was really the first “debriefing” that we had, so I was particularly interested in hearing his perspective about that last question. He is perfectly correct: I was not submitting, I was volunteering. And while those two actions could look the same to an onlooker, they are not the same. What’s different is the emotional response.
That’s what’s important to remember as a writer, I think (you do remember this entire post is about writing, don’t you?): If you are going to effectively portray bondage, or spanking, or domination and submission, what “counts” is the emotional connection. Yes, you can describe where his right hand goes and what she smacked him with and how she was tied, but without that emotional element, you’re just giving stage directions, and it won’t be convincing. If you’ve ever read any bad BDSM erotica (and I hope you haven’t), then you know what I’m talking about — the reader is thinking, “He’s a bully, and she’s a doormat.” With the emotional connection evident, the same scene can be intensely moving. Is it hard to write that? Of course. It’s hard to write love, too, but plenty of novelists manage it. As Gray said in his interview, though, it’s that feeling that’s compelling to read about, not the blow-by-blow (heh — a little pun there!) descriptions.
So, writers — go forth and write strong connections!
Impact play photos courtesy of erotica writer Cecilia Duvalle. Bondage photos courtesy of erotica writer K.D. Grace. And starring Gray Dancer as himself! There is tons of info and good stuff on Gray’s website, so I recommend checking it out.
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Wow. What a great conference! And not just because we got a fistful of free condoms in our totebags.
Attending a conference can be a difficult decision. It takes time–for me, a day to fly there, a day to fly back, and two days there; so that’s four days I’m not working.
Then it costs something: $165 for the conference fee (which is actually very reasonable), 3 nights in a hotel, and whatever your flight costs. Some people make time to eat meals, and then there are drinks to be had… I mostly only go to conferences that at a minimum pay my expenses, or preferably pay me attend. This one was completely out of pocket, though, and now that it’s over and I’ve even unpacked and done my laundry, I can look back with some distance and say: “It was totally worth it.”
Other bloggers have already covered the events in detail; for two perspectives, check out the posts from K.D. Grace and Remittance Girl. I’ll just talk about the things of best value to me.
1) Readings! Who knew that author readings could be so much fun? Well, probably people who’d attended such before, but I never had, not like this, with several authors in a row reading scenes they’d selected. Some readers were more polished & practiced than others, and some were downright hand-shaking nervous, but they were all enjoyable to listen to. I can’t say exactly why, but it’s thrilling to me to hear the stories read aloud by the very people who wrote them.
The first reading event I attended was the “on the road” version of the Erotic Literary Salon, which normally hosts readings in Philadelphia. (Their site, here, has a video of author Emerald reading her story in Las Vegas.) Readings were limited to five minutes long, and I hadn’t signed up to do a reading because 1) the spots were claimed pretty quickly, and 2) I was finding it challenging enough to find something I could do in ten minutes, and I wasn’t sure I could manage five!
However, once I was there, I learned two things. First, that five minutes is plenty long to present something interesting. The timekeeping was draconian, so I can assure you no one went overtime, but each reading seemed much longer than five minutes. Such a range! Humorous, dark, wistful, happy, and of course universally erotic. Laura Antoniou gets my vote for most hilarious performance. I’d listen to her read the phone book. The second thing I learned was that fortune favors the prepared. Some of the people who’d signed up to read didn’t show, at which point the organizer offered spots to anyone who had a five-minute reading with them. Those who had copies of their works with them (or who could call up websites on their phones) leapt at the chance.
Once I knew how enjoyable readings were, I chose to attend a session of them the next day. It turned out to be a group of authors who all write for Renaissance e-books or Sizzler, their erotica label. Now, this will probably sound a bit dim, but I had somehow forgotten than I am a Sizzler author now, since my story “Layover” is appearing in M. Christian’s Bondage by the Bay. My only excuse is that the book hasn’t been released yet. However, M. Christian, who was there, hadn’t forgotten, and when I walked into the room, he asked me if I had my story with me and was planning to read. Oh… well… since that story also appears in my anthology Transported, I actually did have it with me. I explained that I hadn’t timed an excerpt, but since they had extra time in the session, he said that was no problem, and I happily read from it (and only went 12 minutes, and got to finish the scene).
I was scheduled later in the day to read, and this time, I actually had prepared something. The very shortest story in Transported lasts, conveniently, ten minutes when read aloud. I don’t like it quite as much as my favorite (a more humorous one), but it fit the time. However, at this session too, there was extra time, and the moderator mentioned that because of this, people could have an extra minute or two. Oh, well now… do I want to do the 10-minute story, then, or the longer excerpt? I asked the audience, and they said, “Read the one you like the best,” and so I did.
And then finally, at at fabulous “after party” hosted by Aisling Weaver, authors were sitting around and chatting, and someone said, “Oh, let’s read.” Well, I hadn’t made it back to my hotel room all day, so I still had my book with me — and a perfectly timed 10-minute story. So I read that. Sitting there listening was Miranda Forbes of Xcite books, and she was smiling in the right places… so I gave my copy of the book to her. Now, I didn’t ink a 6-figure publishing contract with her on the spot, no. But a story that she liked, tucked into a book, is probably more effective than a mere business card.
So, lesson? Have on your person, at all times, a 5-minute and a 10-minute reading selected and practiced. Just in case! I had three surprise reading opportunities turn up in one weekend, and I was able to help myself to two of them. If I’d been better prepared, I could have enjoyed the third as well.
Do readings sell books? I really have no idea. I will say that I bought Blake Aarens’ book Wetting the Appetite immediately after hearing her read from it, so there is one documented case. 😉
2) Workshops and panels. So much to learn! I presented a workshop on Grammar for Writers with Jean Roberta that was enormous fun (at least for us), and tasted absinthe at Kathleen Bradean‘s presentation on character (it sounds better than it tastes, but worked wonderfully as a metaphor). Not every idea I heard was new to me, but it’s so useful to have all the information collected together and presented coherently. Reassuring, inspiring, and educational. You just had to be there. (Or come next year!)
3) People. I’ve worked in state and national politics, retail, various areas of publishing, restaurants, journalism… a whole hodgepodge of careers. To paint with a broad brush, some professional circles are competitive, and some are supportive. The world of erotica writers is enormously supportive. That was the real value of the conference to me. I knew many of the people there from online interactions, but they were even nicer in person. It was a special treat to meet and spend time with K.D. Grace and local paranormal author Katie Salidas (I mean, her books are paranormal. She is perfectly normal.) People were so free with their advice and support and encouragement. All around people were sharing tips and information, swapping contact information and signing one another up for interviews and guest blog posts. Everyone who spoke about the conference said something about how they felt more energized and encouraged and eager to write more. Now, where else can you buy that — at any price?
As it turns out, the trip paid for itself in a way, because I accepted a seat bump from the airline on my way out in exchange for $400 of ticket vouchers, which I already know I need to use in 2012. Also I won at gambling! I decided I would invest a dollar in the penny slot machines on the last day, just to say I’d tried it, and in under a minute I had amassed $1.63 of pure profit on top of that original dollar. At that point, I figured I’d hit my peak and I cashed out. The money doesn’t pour out of the machine like it does in movies; you get something that looks like a commuter ticket and you have to put that into some other machine. I actually needed help from another winner (I was putting it in upside down or something). I probably spent more time at the redemption machine than the slot machine, but I got my $1.63, all right. Total: A fabulous conference, free plane tickets, and enough money to buy a cup of coffee.
A final highlight of the conference was volunteering as the demo model for Gray Dancer’s “Hands-on Kink” class. Gray has graciously offered to do an interview here, though, so I will save my comments for that next post.
Rope work by Gray Dancer; photo by K.D. Grace
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Oh, how fun! The talented Willsin Rowe made a gorgeous trailer for Transported. He even wrote the music! And a free copy of the book to anyone who can identify the one photo I supplied and the location where I took it. (Sorry, that’s a cheat — there’s no way you could tell.)
Now, I am not 100% sure what anyone “does” with a book trailer, except look at it a lot and go, oh, wow, that’s so nice. Still, I’ve been having a lot of fun doing just that.
So check it out on YouTube:
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